Informatika és tudomány

Mondjatok vicceket!


Egy viccnek nincs \"eredeti\", \"jobb\", \"rosszabb\", \"elrontott\", és egyéb hasonló jelzőkkel illetett változata. Változatok vannak, és mindenkinek az az eredeti/legjobb, amit először hallott, így felesleges beszólni azért, mert valaki más egy másik változatot ismer.
  • Dzsini
    #3879
    SOLDIER #1: We have found Saddam. May we burn him?
    BATTALION: Burn him! Burn! Burn him! Burn him!
    BREMER: How do you know he is Saddam?
    SOLDIER #2: He looks like him.
    BATTALION: Right! Yeah! Yeah!
    BREMER: Bring him forward.
    SADDAM: I'm not Saddam. I'm not Saddam.
    BREMER: Uh, but you are dressed as him.
    SADDAM: They dressed me up like this.
    BATTALION: Augh, we didn't! We didn't...
    SADDAM: And this isn't my beard. It's a false one.
    BREMER: Well?
    SOLDIER #1: Well, we did do the beard.
    BREMER: The nose?
    SOLDIER #1: And the hat, but he is Saddam!
    SOLDIER #2: Yeah!
    BATTALION: We burn him! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!
    BREMER: Did you dress him up like this?
    SOLDIER #1: No!
    SOLDIER #2 and 3: No. No.
    SOLDIER #2: No.
    SOLDIER #1: No.
    SOLDIERS #2 and #3: No.
    SOLDIER #1: Yes.
    SOLDIER #2: Yes.
    SOLDIER #1: Yes. Yeah, a bit.
    SOLDIER #3: A bit.
    SOLDIERS #1 and #2: A bit.
    SOLDIER #3: A bit.
    SOLDIER #1: The DNA matches.
    BREMER: What makes you think he is Saddam?
    SOLDIER #3: Well, he dropped nerve gas on me.
    BREMER: Nerve gas?
    SOLDIER #3: I got better.
    SOLDIER #2: Burn him anyway!
    SOLDIER #1: Burn!
    BATTALION: Burn him! Burn! Burn him!...
    BREMER: Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether he is Saddam.
    SOLDIER #1: Are there?
    SOLDIER #2: Ah?
    SOLDIER #1: What are they?
    BATTALION: Tell us! Tell us!...
    BREMER: Tell me. What do you do with dictators?
    SOLDIER #2: Burn!
    SOLDIER #1: Burn!
    BATTALION: Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...
    BREMER: And what do you burn apart from dictators?
    SOLDIER #1: More dictators!
    SOLDIER #3: Shh!
    SOLDIER #2: Wood!
    BREMER: So, why do dicators burn?
    [pause]
    SOLDIER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?
    BREMER: Good! Heh heh.
    BATTALION: Oh, yeah. Oh.
    BREMER: So, how do we tell whether he is made of wood?
    SOLDIER #1: Build a bridge out of him.
    BREMER: Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
    SOLDIER #1: Oh, yeah.
    BREMER: Does wood sink in water?
    SOLDIER #1: No. No.
    SOLDIER #2: No, it floats! It floats!
    SOLDIER #1: Throw him into the oasis!
    BATTALION: The oasis! Throw him into the oasis!
    BREMER: What also floats in water?
    SOLDIER #1: Bread!
    SOLDIER #2: Apples!
    SOLDIER #3: Uh, very small rocks!
    SOLDIER #1: Cider!
    SOLDIER #2: Uh, gra-- gravy!
    SOLDIER #1: Cherries!
    SOLDIER #2: Mud!
    SOLDIER #3: Uh, churches! Churches!
    SOLDIER #2: Lead! Lead!
    BUSH: A duck!
    BATTALION: Oooh.
    BREMER: Exactly. So, logically...
    SOLDIER #1: If... he... weighs... the same as a duck,... he's made of wood.
    BREMER: And therefore?
    SOLDIER #2: Saddam!
    SOLDIER #1: Saddam!
    BATTALION: Saddam! Saddam!...
    SOLDIER #4: Here is a duck. Use this duck.
    [quack quack quack]
    BREMER: Very good. We shall use my largest scales.
    BATTALION: Ohh! Ohh! Burn Saddam! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Burn him! Ahh! Ahh...
    BREMER: Right. Remove the supports!
    [whop]
    [clunk]
    [creak]
    BATTALION: Saddam! Saddam! Saddam!
    SADDAM: It's a fair cop.
    If your idea of "beauty" is narrow, you will rarely see it unless you live a sheltered life and avoid new experiences.
    The moment I stop having fun with it, I'll be done with it.